2002-03-08 - 7:21 a.m.

Why Neo-Milk People? Why Now?

If you were to amble through a typical American suburban neighborhood in the 1950s, you would inevitably encounter the ubiquitous milkman. 

Fifty years ago, neighbors knew their milkman as well as they knew each other: he pulled up the gravel drive in his refrigerated truck at noon on Friday and hardly struggled with the heavy glass jugs of milk and cartons of eggs for their families. 

I'm not one of those whack-jobs who pines for the more "innocent" days of the past when stereotypes were not only advertised, but emulated. Back then, the only black people in mass media was Louis Armstrong plugging a white baby doll in commercials or Bo Jangles dancing next to a small child who would never be the half the entertainer he was. The closest any Mayberry residents ever got to seeing a black person was watching the janitorial crew behind the set.

What we, here at the Conglomeration Association of Organized Neo-Milkmen Social Club, would like to see in our futures is a milk man for the new millennium - a Neo-Milkman - if you will. This job would be open to any people of color, age, sex, sexual orientation, religion, disability, etc., etc. These clean cut, smiling men and women would dutifully delivery your dairy and service your sexual needs in the privacy of your own home. You get the idea. Here's some reasons why we really yearn for the Neo-Milkman (person):
Jokes - I miss the old jokes about your father being the milk man. It would be too insulting to say your father was the cable repair guy - an unnecessary added ick factor. Just look at these clean-cut wholesome guys. Who could resist them?

Here are just a few reasons why we need to push forward in revitalizing a lost art and cause (and other reasons I made this diary):

  1. Father - Sometimes, I have wished my father was the milk man. Didn't you?
  2. got milk? - When does a clever recognizable market gimmick turn into a boring and stupid cliché? Neo-Milk People don't need advertisements.
  3. Cool - Milk looks cooler in glass bottles.
  4. Crafts - No more will children have to make boring, stupid and unoriginal crafts out of milk cartons. It's difficult to make a bird house out of glass.
  5. Pigeon Holing - "Are you half empty glass or half filled?" Who cares? What kind of insight is that? Besides, you can be both at different times or even the same time. (What this has to do with milk men is beyond me, but I needed to say it.)
  6. Veganism - Milk products are my only hold out to becoming a true vegan. There's just no substitute for feta cheese.
  7. Blah blah blahs - I have another diary, but it was too angst ridden. I wanted a fun diary, and here it is!


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