Oh, Hermey, You Crazy Elf

"Why am I such a misfit? I am not such a nit wit?" he sings.

Maybe Hermey should have been singing, "Why am I such a SADO-MASOCHIST?"

Hermey (not to be confused with the great GREEK mythological figure - yet!) is a character from the 1960s CLAYMATION television show RUDOLPH the RED-NOSED Reindeer. First of all, we should ADMIRE Hermey because he doesn't want to WORK in that industrial SLAVE labor camp without COMPENSATION in the coldest place in the world. He wants to be a DENTIST.

Now, this was produced in the 1960s. We all can tell from his RAKISH 'do and the way he POUTS and carries himself, the this ELF is a little light in the LOAFERS. The writers couldn't very well have Hermey say, "I just want to become a FLORIST" or HAIR STYLIST, or finally DECORATE and COORDINATE this HELL-HOLE of a workshop. (Remember, there's only one FEMALE elf in Santa's workshop just like there is on this Island of Misfit Toys! When does she have time to color coordinate?) They had to think of another profession.

A DENTIST! Sure, a dentist. That makes SENSE - right? Well, every time Hermey is playing or actually BEING a dentist, he's PULLING out TEETH! You never hear Hermey say, "You could use a good FLUORIDE treatment" or "We'll just cap that tooth." No, it's PULL YANK TUG! The worst is poor Mr. BUMBLE. He didn't need all those teeth pulled. They think he's DOCILE now, but he's just BIDING his time until he can GUM those ELVES to DEATH. I'm sure there are other dentists on other ISLANDS who can set him up with a nice set of dentures. And don't forget: BUMBLES BOUNCE!

I predict one of 2 things for Hermey:

1. He will be driven off the island adrift on a flow

2. He will have a thriving dentistry/sex business for gay elves

What do you think?